MUT3K: The Lucifier Journals, Part 2
MSTied by Tom Smith
[S.O.L. Lights and sirens.]
ALL: AAAAHH!! WE'VE GOT USENET SI-I-IGN!!
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[whakkita]
[whakkita]
[whakkita]
[whoooomm]
[grohhhnn]
[kreeeeak]
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> Electro-Magnetic thermal kinetic energy.
MIKE: Flag on the moon.
> Picture this: Take a rubber ball and if you could pierce it with straws.
CROW: You'd have the goofiest scale-model of a porcupine in the
whole class.
SERVO: The straws-and-rubber-ball game is loads of fun at about
three a.m. on Pledge Night.
> Each straw respresents an infinite light fiber
CROW: For infinite light regularity.
> that not only pierces Earth but travels in a straight line thoughout
> the universe. The universe is made up of many light fiber grids.
MIKE: They surround us, penetrate us, bind the galaxy together.
> They travel in perfect straight lines thoughout the universe
> intersecting with one another.
SERVO: Well, pretty good straight lines.
CROW: This *article* is all pretty good straight lines.
> There is no end or beginning to these electro-magnetic energy grids.
SERVO: Then, you can't prove they're perfectly straight lines.
> An advanced civilization that knows not of war could have easily
> discovered Electro Magnetic Energy Grids (EMEG).
MIKE: D'ohh! *Here's* the EMEG! Under all these spent shells
and body parts.
> You can also see their existance by taking two metal coat hangers
> and straightening them out as best as possible.
CROW: The Beakman Challenge! allenge! allenge! allenge!
> Approximate 24" of coat hanger, bend ( 90 degree angle 9" of
> coat hanger ) . Take small side of hangers loosely holding
> in hands. Walk in any direction, when coat hangers cris-cross
> you have discovered a EMEG.
SERVO: Who needs NASA and the NRC? We've got Satan, disguised
as a dowser.
> The proper light fluzulation (ability to bend light so one
> can transiet time)
ALL: [laughter]
SERVO: He's going for the technobabble... he shoots... he scores!
> and a well seasoned pilot
SERVO: I always use Clancy's Fancy Hot Sauce.
MIKE: No, we're dealing with time and space here. I think
we need Dave's Insanity Sauce.
CROW: [klik] Open the spice rack doors, Hal. [klik]
> could position a craft in any point of time within any solar
> system in the universe. One with this knowledge would also
> have the ability to alter any point in time, within any
> given planet, in any given circumstance.
SERVO: Well, *we* haven't got that knowledge. 'Cause if we did,
we'd get the heck out of reading this goofy article.
> Lets concentrate on Earthly problems and see if we can come up
> with some solutions. First we must believe EMEG's exist.
MIKE: Sure. What's one more graphic file format?
> Second we must formulate some sort of format
SERVO: Good morning! Department of Redundancy Department. Good
morning!
> whereby we use our imaginations to form a focal point. Lets try
> this, disk-shaped objects positioned over every active volcano.
ALL: [laughter]
SERVO: Where does he *get* this stuff?
MIKE: I can see it now! "The Pinatubo Lid!"
CROW: I can imagine *lots* of disk-shaped objects over an active
volcano. And they all say, "Free AOL Software Inside!"
> Using a quartz-laser light spectrum quartator (device used
> to alter light)
MIKE: It makes it dark, or something.
> one can fragment light.
SERVO: Maxfield Parrish used broken light all the time.
> Fragmentation is like boiling/freezing water.
MIKE: No, fragmentation is like exploding into shards.
SERVO: So, the power used to run a quartator is the "Charge
Of The Light Grenade."
MIKE: D'ohh!
> The molecular structure is altered by using heat.
MIKE: Yeah, the heat excites the light particles and makes them
... umm, faster than light.
CROW: Basically, then, we don't need warp technology. We just
need to tuck the engines in all snuggly.
SERVO: Ahhh. Then they become tuck-yon generators.
MIKE: ... Go to your room.
SERVO: I wish.
> The principle is the same but the process is different.
SERVO: Man, is it tough to keep from just yelling "Science!"
after every line.
MIKE: I know. I'm real proud of you guys for not taking the
cheapies on this one.
CROW: Don't count on it lasting much longer.
> Each color of the fragmented light preforms a different
> function. For instance, fragment/red allows us to extract
> the molten lava from a volcano.
CROW: Guys, is this sounding more like Jonny Quest or
Sailor Moon?
> If we project the molten lava to a descinated area in our
> atmosphere say opposite of our present moon. I believe we
> just may solve our weather havoc problems!!
MIKE: Mister Tuvok, that's brilliant!
> Creating another moon opposite our present moon
SERVO: Would give werewolves a nervous breakdown.
> would balance the jet stream thus enable us to have gentler,
> more predictible weather patterns. Without the sudden dips
> in the jet stream adverse weather would not be able to be
> fueled by the fires it needs to sustain life.
SERVO: ... so... the... adverse weather... sustains... life...
CROW: ... and is fueled... by fires...
MIKE: ... created by... sudden dips in the jet stream...
SERVO: ... without which we'd have gentler, more predictable weather...
CROW: ... which, presumably, would *not* sustain life...
MIKE: ... and all we'd have to do is...
SERVO: ... use nonexistent, imaginary technology...
CROW: ... to extract lava from the earth...
MIKE: ... and project it across space...
SERVO: ... to create another moon.
ALL: [silence]
SERVO: Guys, I think we now know the answer to the question,
"What if COSMOS had been written by Criswell?"
> One more thing, the molten lava needed to create this new,
> moon would also decrease the lava table thus causing a decrease
> in volcanic activity.
MIKE: Why, this just gets better and better!
> Hum......
ALL: [harmony] Hummmmmm.
> what else could we solve? What about the cocaine/opium
> epidemic?
CROW: Yeah! We'll just drop hot lava on Columbia and Pakistan!
> We could use EMEG's to send craft to say the cocaine traingle.
> ( Peru, Columbia, and Bolivia are the three largest cocaine
> suppliers to the U.S. and maybe the world).
CROW: ... So, he's gonna harness the energy of the cosmos
to ship Carol Duvall to Bogata.
MIKE: Maybe he wants to send Wiccans to Bogata.
SERVO: Heck, if you diagram the sentence, it looks like he
wants use the energy of the cosmos to send Wiccans to
Bogata so they can say "The Cocaine Triangle" out loud.
> and with just one cocaine plant we could extract the DNA
> from that plant.
SERVO: Welcome... to Addictive Park.
> Determine that strand and we could use our material tracking
> device to pinpoint all existing plants in a 100 mile radius.
CROW: However, all they've found so far is O.J. Simpson's gloves.
> Radius tracking could be upgraded to a higher radius if deemed
> necessary. The same could be done in the opium producing countries.
CROW: Other *countries* could be upgraded to a higher radius?
MIKE: Well, that's how their science advances.
CROW: Ohhh- huh?
> STAY TUNED FOR MORE OF LUCIFIERS JOURNALS
SERVO: Starring David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, and Bill Cosby
as The Devil.
> REJOICE INDEPENDENCE DAY IS COMING.
CROW: To home video. Rated R.
> Any multiply of 9 the sum equals 9 (ex. 9x2=18 1+8 9x3=27 2+7=9
> 9x74=666 6+6+6=18 1+8=9).
SERVO: ... the hell...?
MIKE: Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain!
CROW: Guys, welcome to Non Sequiter Central.
> The 74th seed of Judes (betrayl of
> Christ) would be the man with the number 666.
MIKE: License to betray.
> All disasters that occur in this world need a 9 or 13 to become
> manifest. What I mean by that is this:. First we must substitute
> the alfabet
CROW: Well, now we know why he sticks with numbers.
> letters with their root numbers: A=1 B=2 C=3 D=4 E=5 F=6 G=7 etc
> until you substitute Z=26.
MIKE: [gasp] He's revealed the secret of Little Orphan Annie's
decoder ring!
CROW: Good thing, too. The C.I.A. was still stumped.
> No disaster can occur unless a root 9 or 13 is present.
MIKE: I want to see the County Road Commission implement this.
> Multiplies of 9 and 13 also can be involved in major disasters.
> Capital letters of proper nouns (cities and states,)
> can also play a part in disasters.
SERVO: Heck, pretty much everything.
> Dates, times,magnitute
CROW: [singing, to "Alley Oop"] Magnitute-tute, tute, tute-tute....
> of earthquakes (epicenter) airplane flight numbers (if add up
> to 9 or 13 could be harmful to your health) train engine numbers
> ( like the one I believe in Wash. D.C. area train crash) added
> up to either the number 9 or 13 or multiply thereof.
SERVO: Watson! The game's afoot! Oysters are plotting to take
over the world! Er... hand me my syringe, will you?
> I must confess none of this ever interested me until the night
> of Dec. 26th 1975.
MIKE: Mary Jane wouldn't let me kiss her, so I went out and
got some Satanism books to make her my slave.
> After that ufo encounter
CROW: *What* U.F.O. encounter?
SERVO: Y'know, this whole post makes a lot more sense as
blank verse.
> I felt compelled to read about religions, astral projection,
> really everything that had to do with spirituality.
CROW: Because I was pret-ty sure by this point I was gonna
end up in Hell otherwise.
> I felt the need to be of some source of beneficial aid to the world.
SERVO: Hey. Soylent Green, Inc. is always looking for volunteers.
> Thats when I first saw how the numbers 9 and 13 influence our
> everyday life. I will now show you documented cases of major
> disasters. I will also show documented cases of the positive
> side of 9 and 13.
MIKE: 9 and 13. Working together to kill other people, while
making *your* life better than ever.
> The first one is the plane crash in Fla. that occured recently.
> This one is easy the plane was 27 years old.( 2+7=9.)
SERVO: Ohhh! It wasn't the age of the plane that brought it
down, it was the numerology.
> Remember the Amtrack crash
SERVO: Yeah, the Alamo's old hat.
> in Hyder Az.
CROW: Hinder?
SERVO: Aa-
MIKE: Stop. No further.
> 10/8/95. Here's where pronous come into play. The first letter
> of Hyder is H.
SERVO: Aw, come *on*, Mike!
MIKE: I told you, *no*!
CROW: But he keeps saying --
MIKE: He's *not saying hinder*. Jeez, have you no pride?
SERVO: This isn't about pride, Nelson, it's about survival.
> The first letter of Arizona is A.
MIKE: Thank you, Mr. Quayle. Keep going.
> ( H=8 A=1 8+1=9)
> Here's an interesting statistic also on 10/8/95.A strong 7.6
> earthquake 15 miles of Manzanillo, Colima
SERVO: [singing] And gettin' caught in the rain...
> struck at 9:36 a.m. Double trouble here
BOTS: Pop-A-Matic pops the dice.
> epicenter equals 13.Time of quake 9+3+6=18 1+8=9.
MIKE: At the quake, the time will be nine... thirty-six.
CROW: Brrruhruhruhruhrummmmbruhruhrummmbrmmmmm....
> Here are a couple of positive additions:
> 10/13/95 apparitions of the Virgin Mary to Nancy Fowler
> in Conyers, Georgia. This one is easy do you know where
> it is???
MIKE: Ummm... Conyers, Georgia?
SERVO: WRONG! WRONG! HAHAHAHAHAAA! WRONG WRONG WRONG!
MIKE: Servo, chill.
SERVO: ... oh. Sorry.
> Here's the proper noun use again. Statues of Ganesh were
> reported drinking milk.
CROW: Milk. It does a Ganesh good.
> (first letter of Statues is S. S=20. Ganesh is G. G=7 20+7=27
> 2+7=9.
CROW: Too bad "statues" isn't a friggin' PROPER NOUN, isn't it?
SERVO: Y'know, I've got enough trouble with this theory to begin
with, but he could at least be marginally consistent.
MIKE: Yeah. It's kinda like cheating at solitaire.
> Whether you are a Christian, Moslem, Buddist,Krisha,
MIKE: Quite a selection.
SERVO: Yeah. Find God in Jesus, Mohammad, beer, or the airport.
> etc. etc. etc.,
SERVO: [King of Siam] Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
MIKE: Don't forget Dr. Paintbrush.
> we need to act upon this immediately.
SERVO: Wow, I guess all the world *is* a stage.
> To know that 9 and 13 are responsible for major disasters
CROW: [Chief] ... And *you* didn't bring 'em in, McCloud!
What were you *thinking*?
> doesn't mean we hide on days of 9 and 13.
SERVO: That's just what they're *expecting* us to do.
> Nor do we not get on an airplane thats flight number equals a 9 or 13.
MIKE: [evil laugh] Mwoa-ha-ha-haaa! That's right, don't be afraid!
Yes, yes, come! Step right on board!
> The purpose of me instructing you is
SERVO: Getting those last two credit hours from DeVries.
> to make you aware of the potential danger. When the world can see
> this as a mass then it(destruction) will forever be silenced.
SERVO: Destruction is such a mind-bogglingly stupid beast that
it assumes if you *can see* it, you *can't hear* it.
> I have many documented cases involving 9 and 13 these are just
> the tip of the iceburg.
CROW: Which I've put here in the hopes that someone will run into
it and add to my many documented cases.
> If someone could email me an address of an archives domain ,
> that had access to disaster archives ,hopeully at least 20
> years old. I would be greatful. Until then
MIKE: The words "Lycos" and "Web-Crawler" will mean nothing to me.
> look for future postings of "Lucifiers Journals"
SERVO: In thousands upon thousands of e-mail boxes near you.
> Independence Day will only come when you believe you have
> the knowledge.
CROW: Or on July Fourth. Whatever.
> Knowledge grows like a garden slow but prosperous if given the
> right amount of fetilizer................
SERVO: This article, for instance.
> All disasters that occur in this world need a 9 or 13 to become
> manifest. What I mean by that
MIKE: Even I don't know.
> is this:. First we must substitute the alfabet letters with
> their root numbers: A=1 B=2 C=3 D=4 E=5 F=6 G=7 etc until you
> substitute Z=26.
SERVO: At which point, without any fuss, the stars began to go out.
> No disaster can occur unless a root 9 or 13 is present.
MIKE: It must be nice, predicting things in hindsight.
SERVO: Yeah, all he has to do is find *one* thing that fits his
little numbers game, and he can take credit for this whole
alleged... whatever it is.
> Multiplies of 9 and 13 also can be involved in major disasters.
> Capital letters of Pronouns (cities states or countries) can
> also play a part in disasters.
MIKE: A-HAH!! Pronoun trouble.
> Dates,(sometimes with first
> letter of city/state and/or country)times, magnitute of
> earthquakes, epicenter's ground zero, airplane flight numbers,
CROW: Are you implying a *conspiracy*, Mr. Cochran?
> train engine numbers
SERVO: Somehow I knew we couldn't trust Thomas the Tank Engine.
> if they add up to 9 or 13 it could be harmful to your health.
CROW: The Surgeon General's warning now appears on calculators,
computers, abacuses, and videos of Multiplication Rock.
> To see why nine plays
SERVO: By August Strindberg.
> such an important part of our Earthly existence you don't
> have to look far. First it takes nine months to conceive.
MIKE: Not that I know girls, or anything.
> Second the number nine
CROW: The number is hereby seconded. All in favor?
MIKE & SERVO: Aye.
> multiplied by any number other than zero
MIKE: Pretty much whatever you need to make it work.
> (zero serves as the placeholder only)
CROW: I always bring a friend to hold my place.
SERVO: Crow, that's not predicting disasters, that's standing
in line at McDonald's.
MIKE: Same thing, really.
> the sum of the multiplied
> number will always equal nine when added.
SERVO: Y'know, I'm getting a little tired of all these Bearers of
Cosmic Wisdom who can't compose a halfway-decent sentence.
CROW: Oh, well, that's a true sign of their genius. They're too
busy with thoughts that really matter to be bothered with
communication skills.
MIKE: God, don't let them hear that. They'll start using it as
a justification for their poor spelling and grammar.
SERVO: "Yeah, *that's* the ticket... I'm too busy thinkin' about
*cosmic* stuff... yeah...."
> Here are more documented cases using nine and
> thirteen............................
CROW: The incredible new diet plan that takes off up to
*twenty-two pounds* in just two weeks!
> 7.0 earthquake off Sulawesi, Indonesia generates huge tidal
> wave. (date: 1/2/96=18 1+8=9)
MIKE: Aah, who cares? It's not like they're Americans over
there, or anything.
> China Lake in California on 8/17/95 (5.4 epicenter equals nine
> also time: 15:39pst adds to 18)
SERVO: Pst! Hey, bub! You want nineteen or twenty o' dat?
> 8/9/95 death of Jerry Garcia, maybe not a major disaster to all.
> Jerry showed me that a friend of the devil is a friend of mine.
MIKE: Quick! Hand me my Chord Book of the Dead.
> Hot summer in Chicago
MIKE & SERVO:
[singing] Dang, dang, da-dang dang....
CROW: [singing] Hot town, summer in the city....
> 7/3/95 (date along with capital letter of pronoun Chicago:
> 7+3+9+5+3=27 2+7=9)
MIKE: "Capital letter of pronoun Chicago"!?
CROW: Oww, MAN....
SERVO: [exhales in disgust] Numerology wuss.
MIKE: He said he was gonna do it.
SERVO: Yeah, but... does this guy even know what a pronoun *is*!?
> over 500 people died from the heat in one week.
MIKE: Oh, come on. Miami's basketball team isn't that bad.
> On 9/27/95 New Zealands Mt. Ruapehu blows it top.
CROW: Haha! I'm colloquial! See? I'm colloquial. I'm *wrong*,
but I'm colloquial.
> (the day:27
MIKE: The place: Babylon 5.
> 2+7=9 also pronoun Mt.first letter is M.
SERVO: Mountain-is-not-a-PRONOUN!!
MIKE: Give it up, Servo. He's in his own little world.
> m=13 or 4 Ruapehu
> first letter is R. r=18 1+8=9. 9+4=13)
CROW: [increasingly shrill] One plus three equals four. Plus
nine, is thirteen. One plus three equals four. Plus
nine, is thirteen. One plus --
MIKE: All right, enough with the "I, Mudd" shtick.
SERVO: Yeah, why can't you be a *useful* Norman, like Bates?
> On 9/14/95 Ometepec, Mexico was hit by an earthquake of 7.2
> magnitude ( 7+2=9)
SERVO: Ometepec spelled backwards is Cepetemo.
MIKE: [British] And this is my counterpart, R2-D2.
SERVO: [beep] [boop] [whistle]
> Strange apparent explosions occured on 9/7/95 that caused
> flash floods in Mindano Island, Phillipines. (Mindanao Island
> m=13 or 4 i=9 9+4=13}
CROW: Explosions of what? Water?
> On 5/18/95 Ebola virus in Zaire spreads (the day of the 18th 1+8=9)
MIKE: Don't you just love the way he leaves out any data that
might sink his precious little theory?
SERVO: Frankly, I'm trying not to pay attention.
> On 4/19/95 Ola.City
SERVO: [Monty Python femme] Ooh-lah!
> bombing Federal building had 9 floors.
SERVO: I seriously doubt McVeigh was cruising for Federal
buildings that were numerologically tall enough.
MIKE: I seriously doubt McVeigh can count to nine.
> On 10/4/94 Order of the Solar Temple 50 die in mass suicide
> in Chiery, Switzerland and Canada (1+0+4+9+4=18 1+8=9)
BOTS: [like the Mothra twins] Today is a good day to die.
> On 9/1/94 Eureka Oregon hit with a quake registering 7.2 on
> Ricter scale ( 7+2=9)
SERVO: Eureka! He's lost it!
> On 2/3/94 triple quakes in Soda Springs Iowa 5.3 5.1.4.9 (date
> equals 18 1+8=9 also all three readings add up to 18 which
> equals nine.)
SERVO: Ummm. 5.3 plus 5.1 plus 4.9 add up to 15.3.
CROW: WAIT A MINUTE! 15.3.... 1 plus 5 plus 3 equal -- NINE!!
Oh, my God, it works!
MIKE: It does not.
SERVO: Crow, for your own good: Never gamble with Martin Gardner
or Raymond Smullyan, okay?
> On 8/9/93 Guam hit with 8.1 quake ( 8+1=9)
MIKE: How come none of these places is ever hit with a Quisp?
> The day of the inferno at Waco 9 people survived the fire.
SERVO: The ATF Numerology SWAT Team, on the job.
> On 1/8/93 worst flooding in over a decade hits Tijuana, Mexico
CROW: And petroleum-laced reefers hit Marijuana, Texico.
> (here the day/month/year along with the capital T and capital M
> equals an 18 which breaksdown to the number nine.)
CROW: And this fits in here too. And maybe that. And this other
stuff over here. Does it work yet? No? Oh, I must need
this... and this....
> Once again I am here to instruct you on this subject.
SERVO: Claaaaass... Claaaaass... SHUT AAAHHHHPP!!!
> Don't hide under your bed on a nine or thirteeth.
MIKE: You see, the Boogeyman knows all about numerology, and he's
already under there waiting for you.
> Being aware of the danger is what this instruction is all about.
CROW: [singing, Billy Joel's "The Stranger"] Well, it adds up
to nine, but we disregard the dayn-jah....
> If the worlds mass can grasp this concept and apply it daily
> through meditation destruction would be terminated.
SERVO: If the world's mass could grasp *any* concept, people would
be a lot more careful about where they dig.
> More to come.....keep those cards and letters e-mailing
CROW: Boy, those are tech-savvy cards and letters.
SERVO: Yeah, but apparently they work in a sweat shop.
CROW: All right, ya scurvy cards and letters! Back to e-mailing!
SERVO: [snicker] Arrrh! Shiver me a chill!
> .Response is favorable
MIKE: *Another* new file format? That's the second in this post!
SERVO: And well-received, apparently.
> but there will always be those who are not willing to accept
> new concepts because of their conditioning.
CROW: For them, we recommend Nietszche's Brainwashing Shampoo
and Conditioner.
> Independence Day is coming believe that knowledge is laying
> asleep and is coming of age.
MIKE: Meanwhile, Snow White is still young and beautiful.
CROW: Yeah, but she snores.
> Believe that you can wake this untapped knowledge
CROW: Mixed metaphor? You're soaking in it.
> and use it for mankinds benefits.
SERVO: At least, until the Congress and Clinton cut them off.
> Peace by piece one step at a time
CROW: [singing] I built it one piece at a time,
And it didn't cost me a dime....
> Remember now spelled backwards spells won. I feel like a
MIKE: Wronged Satan?
CROW: Meatball?
SERVO: Gin and tonic?
> winner how about you??????
MIKE: Absolutely. I made it through this post alive.
.
.
.
[kreeeeak]
[grohhhnn]
[whoooomm]
[whakkita]
[whakkita]
[whakkita]
[SLAM]
.
.
.
[S.O.L. The red lights are flashing as Mike and the
'Bots enter.]
MIKE: Hey, we're getting a call from Deep 13. Dr. Forrester
must be back.
SERVO: Yeah, I wonder if he conquered Heaven yet.
MIKE: [hits the button] How did it go, sir?
[Deep 13. Dr. F, in the background, is... a mess.
Clothing and hair burnt and askew, a ball and chain on each
ankle, open stigmata, gravy stains, the whole ball of wax
{ground into his shorts}. To his left is Rip Taylor, throwing
confetti at him; to his right, John Banner is being jolly.]
JOHN: ... Und zhen zhere vass der time vhen LeBeau -- hoho!
I *lufft* LeBeau, did I zay zhat? Vell, you zee, LeBeau
snuck into zhe Colon-el's vine zellah und re-playzed all
zhe vine mit vannn-illa eggz-drakt! Und tolt him der
grapes ver presst mit a cookie cutter!
DR. F: No... please....
RIP: V.D.!! Fresh V.D.!! Cold sores, herpes simplex, herpes
complex, shopping complex, United Arts Multiplex! Laugh,
you little neon-green guy, you, LAUGH! It's FUNNY!
DR. F: Aaaah... no...
[F.G. S.R. and S.L., Hugh Beaumont and TV's Frank enter.]
HUGH: Well, boys, the cosmic crisis is averted, reality's back
on an even keel... and I bet you learned a valuable
lesson today, right?
FRANK: Gosh, yes, Da- I mean, Death...
HUGH: That's all right, Frank. I'm kinda everyone's Dad.
FRANK: Well, sir, I guess what I learned is... if I ever go
looking for my heart's desire, I shouldn't look any
farther than my own backyard. 'Cause if it wasn't there
all along, I never really needed it to begin with.
Is that it?
HUGH: [chuckles] Frank, that's so wrong I can't even begin to
tell you. [grabs his hair]
FRANK: Owwie-owwie-owwie-owwie!
HUGH: It's "Don't mess with The Big Kahuna"! Get over here.
[drags him off-camera] Invade Heaven -- what were you
thinking!?
DON: Hey, Doctor F!
[Don Knotts as Barney Fife enters mid-stage S.L., with
two armfuls of food.]
DON: I finally found your refrigerator. Even nailed a perp
-- he kinda sounded like the announcer on Bullwinkle,
but I knew better. Yeah, he'd shorted the alarm on your
icebox, but Ol' One-Bullet Barn knew what to do... UNGH!
[strains] Y'mind-if-I-just-set-this-stuff-right-here...
[He drops the food on the button.]
|
\ | /
\ | /
---( )--- [pwhohhhffhh]
/ | \
/ | \
|
JOHN: ... Und zhen, von tay, Newkirk diff-ided up der kamp
into two zidez, und ve playt a game, und eff-ree-botty
got a kiss! Except Zheneral Burkhalter....
DR. F: NAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOO!!
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters
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Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
All shtick and lyrics © 1996 by Tom Smith. All rights reserved. All comments appreciated!
> if they add up to 9 or 13 it could be harmful to your health.