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Sounds Familiar
Back in Cretaceous days, Tom released two cassette tapes, Who Let Him In Here? and Domino Death. These were convention recordings, and while Tom owns the songs, he doesn't own those recordings. Also, Tom's a pretty good live performer, but he's always had these studio versions of his songs in the back of his head. Well, finally, he found the little hatch at the base of his neck, opened it up, and is working those songs out one by one. New arrangements, new vocals, and maybe even some new jokes!
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NEW FOR DOWNLOAD! Plugged
$9.99 |
Now imagine Tom really wired.
It's shticks, drums, and rock 'n' roll as Tom celebrates family
and freedom, parties in the Caribbean, invokes some Pretty
Good Old Ones, waxes eloquent on spam, predicts your future by voicemail, and crams more puns into a song than anyone
alive. |
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NEW FOR DOWNLOAD! Debasement Tapes
$9.99 |
Fair Warning: There are no soaring,
dramatic lyrics here, no plaintive melodies, no heartstrings.
It's a full hour of Tom at his most insane, doing all the
songs you've been asking for (with help from The Smithtones
[Anne Schneider and Karen Foran] and a breathtaking amount
of take-out BBQ). Recorded as a house concert in 1999, some of these songs cannot be obtained anywhere else. We're still trying to figure out if that's a good thing. |
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NEW FOR DOWNLOAD! And They Say I've Got Talent
$9.99 |
Tom's second studio album features favorites like "The Illuminati Polka"
and "A Dragon's Lullaby", new madness like "Bullet Time" and
"The Ballad of Rupert", and a multilevel marketing extravaganza: "Rock Me Amidala" from the independent
film Saving
Star Wars, the Transylvania Polygnostic University
Fight Song from the comic book Girl
Genius, "Rich Fantasy Lives" (co-written with Rob Balder [Partially
Clips]), and the official chanty for Talk
Like A Pirate Day! |
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NEW FOR DOWNLOAD! The Last Hero On Earth
$9.99 |
Maxicron! Amazing Gracie! Fenderbender!
These and many other famous heroes stick in the collective craw
of the world's mad scientists, who, frustrated with their numerous
individual defeats, have united under the diabolical leadership
of Dr. Thaddeus Mallevo and Sir Wilfred P. Huffelbaggins III to
get rid of the heroes forever with the terrible robot army known
as The Sinister Sixty, led by the Kill-O-Tron! Now, only one hero
wannabe -- the idealistic everyman who calls himself The Waffle
-- stands between the people of Earth and total subjugation!
Pity he's just been zapped across the
galaxy.... |
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NEW! Songs of The FuMP, Vol. 1
$8.99 |
The Funny Music Project
is changing the face of comedy music -- and Tom's the left nostril!
This collection of all the songs written for The FuMP in 2007 includes
"EULA Dancing", "Ultimate Ultimate Christmas", the viral hit "Cat
Macros", "CYA" (with guest appearances by most of The FuMP), a live
performance of "Spoiler Alert", and both the original version of "Tech
Support For Dad" and a live version featuring Tom's dad! Also included is "Driving Through Ohio", previously only available on the Earpicac fundraising CD for Con On The Cob. You want The FuMP? You got The FuMP! |
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iTom
4.0:
Smith and Legend |
NEW! iTom 4.0: Smith and Legend
$8.99 |
Before science,
people explained how the world works with myth -- the sun was Apollo's
chariot wheel,thunder was the dwarves bowling, Dick Cheney was the
offspring of a cockatrice and Elmer Fudd, that sort of thing. Time
marches on, but we still have legends and superstitions and weird
beliefs of all stripes... and several of them got in Tom's face, or
vice-versa, in new and interesting ways. From warning labels to
Wikipedia, from sidekicks to space opera, and including two
zombie apocalypses (apocalypsi?), Tom once again brings the weird, the
wacky, and the occasionally poignant. The bonus track is a rockin'
cover of Leslie Fish's seminal space anthem, "Hope Eyrie". |
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iTom
3.0:
True Love Waits |
iTom 3.0: True Love Waits
$8.99 |
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Love permeates
our existences, in more forms than we can easily count. Still, count on
Tom to find some of the more bizarre permutations. From fake Hallmark
holidays to real religious movements, from sex droids to sexual
identity crises, from battlefield passion to Renter's Rage, the third
iTom collection has thirteen tracks covering love, sex, and romance
from a unique point of view. Also included is a bonus track, "March of
the PenguiCon", written for the popular Michigan science fiction
convention and open-source expo.
iTom
2.0:
Transitions |
iTom 2.0: Transitions
$8.99 |
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The second iTom
collection is complete! A crazed and eclectic mix of brand-new songs,
mostly on the subject of change and transition -- from being awake to
being asleep, from Republican control of Congress to Democratic, from
your S.O. leaving to your self-image leaving, from how much you want to
grow up to how much you want to stay a child. Also included is a bonus
track, "An Ecclesiastes For Rose", that you can't get anywhere else!
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iTom 1.0: And So It Begins
$7.99 |
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Funny thing --
you do a song a week for three months, and suddenly you've got enough
for a whole new album! The iTom songs released during Aug.-Oct. 2006
are collected here in high-quality 192 Kbps MP3s, along with all the
lyrics and a spiffy HTML interface.
Individual iTom
Songs
| 039 -- And There Was Dancing |
Listen |
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| 038 -- Love Thy Neighbor |
Listen |
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| 037 -- Wiki of Love |
Listen |
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| 036 -- "Kidnapped By Pirates" Is Good |
Listen |
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| 035 -- True Love Waits |
Listen |
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| 034 -- Two Guys Kissin' (Ruined My Life) |
Listen |
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| 033 -- Pygmalion 2.0 |
Listen |
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| 032 -- Mechanicsburg Tourism Song |
Listen |
Download |
Free |
| 031 -- Contessa |
Listen |
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| 030 -- Dervish |
Listen |
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| 029 -- Hot Sauce and Ice Cream |
Listen |
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| 028 -- Neckbolt Love |
Listen |
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| 027 -- Stupid Belated Valentine |
Listen |
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| 013 -- The Here and Now |
Listen |
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| 012 -- Coulrophobia |
Listen |
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| 011 -- Lars Needs Women |
Listen |
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| 010 -- The Coin-Flip Universe |
Listen |
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| 009 -- Waterboardin' |
Listen |
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| 008 -- Hey, It's Can(n)on |
Listen |
Download |
Free |
| 007 -- Destroyer of Worlds |
Listen |
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| 006 -- Mythical Frederick |
Listen |
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| 005 -- Pluto, or The Old God Laments |
Listen |
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| 004 -- Can't Get The File To Play |
Listen |
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| 003 -- Death By Wubbie |
Listen |
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| 002 -- Blue Screen of Death |
Listen |
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| 001 -- I Want My Flying Car |
Listen |
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House Concerts
Tom's been doing
house concerts for a couple of years now, with great success and a
splendid time had by all. Now he's got some portable recording gear
that lets the attendees at a house concert get a recording of that
concert right after the show. Well, people who couldn't
attend those shows asked if Tom could make the recordings available,
and now they are!
These are the
exact same recordings Tom made at the house concerts -- all the shtick,
glitches, banter, and improv intact.. The only differences are [a]
they're downloadable rather than burned to a CD-R and [b] they omit a
few warm-up songs sung just for the people at the concert.
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Louisville, KY -- Jan. 27, 2007
Special Price $7.99
Over two
hours of Tom live. Many old favorites, many new songs, a few surprise
covers, improv songs, and the mystery of What Was That One Song Tom
Does? |
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Sins of Commission
$4.99 |
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Homecoming:
MarCon 2005
$4.99 |
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One of the
coolest gifts you can get for someone is their very own song. Tom's
been writing gift songs for awhile now, and the big trick has been to
personalize them and make them good songs that
anyone can enjoy. Now you can judge the results for yourself, with a
full dozen rare and never-heard-before tracks, as well as the slightly
remastered "A Dragon's Lullaby". Some silly, some sweet, many romantic.
Oh, and "The Very Secret Diary of Dark Wolf", which is just plain goofy.
Also note
that this is the first bunch of MP3s at a new, higher 160 Kbps bit rate
-- more fidelity, not much more bandwidth or drive space!
Come Be My
Love Forever / Creatures of the Night / A Dragon's Lullaby / Felis
Draco / Kitsune and the Master of Zen / Mary Kelly (Radio Edit) / The
Melody Is You / Old Time Movie Romance / Piratical Love / Slow Dance /
The Very Secret Diary of Dark Wolf / Worth the Wait / Y.U.R.T. (Your
Un-Resolved [sexual] Tension) |
Tom is at
the top of his game with a fantastic crowd for a Guest of Honor concert
celebrating his 20th anniversary at MarCon! With American Sign Language
from Judi Miller (you can't see it on the album, of course, but you can
hear when she's about to bop Tom for some new verbal atrocity) and an
assist from The Great Luke Ski, this is sixty-seven minutes of love,
madness, and great music.
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Badgers and Gophers and Squirrels, Oh My:
The 24-Hour Project - $4.99 |
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Live at GAFilk - $4.99 |
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The most insane thing Tom's ever done,
in a career built on insanity. The challenge: Write
as many songs as he could in twenty-four hours, based on suggestions
from his friends and fans. The final result: seventeen new
songs! (Fourteen of which were recorded over the
following three days. Man, this pressure schedule thing has
its merits.) Reggae, badgers, rock'n'roll, gophers, Mozart, squirrels,
Klezmer, space squids, and a whole lot more... all new, never heard
before! If you're looking for a quick hit of quick hits, this is what
you need! Now also includes the songs formerly in "Best of
ChiCon 2000"!
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A filk
first -- an entire live concert available for secure download! In this
case, Tom's GOH set at GAFilk 2001. Wonderfully recorded by Gerry Tyra,
lovingly re-engineered by Tom for clarity of both performance and
audience, we've got over 70 minutes of music and madness in a 65 MB
.zip file, including:
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Talk Like A Pirate Day - 99¢
FREE! |
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ARRR! The
official chanty fer Talk Like A Pirate Day, approved
by Cap'n Slappy an' Ol' Chumbucket themselves. Perfect fer drivin' the
whole blamed office crazy! This is the full studio version,
an' on top o' that ye can get a live version
with special guests Steve Jackson and The
Great Luke Ski. Both free, free, gloriously free!
AVAST, ye
swab! This chanty be on Cap'n Smitty's album And They Say I've Got Talent,
so if ye like this ye might want t' buy that. If'n yer feelin'
generous, that is. Always warms the cockles of me piratical heart. |
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What Would Fenton Do? -
75¢ |
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Cthulhu Fthagn (w/The Great
Luke Ski) - 75¢ |
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You too
can live your life according to the precepts of the Death Sheep From
Hell. And you can get WWFD? swag at the What
Would Fenton Do? shop at Cafe Press. |
Recorded
live at ConFusion 2003, Tom and Luke invoke some of the Pretty Good Old
Ones. |
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Enterprising Man - 75¢ |
More stuff
coming soon! |
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From the
soundtrack of Babylon Park: Grudgematch, the song
that made the animation team work triple overtime -- because they
wanted to! |
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