I Want To Be Richard Cheney
Words: Sherman Dorn
Music: "I Want To Be Peter Lorre" by Tom Smith
(Prelude)
The curse of our elections are candidates on the tube
Hoping to fool everyone or maybe just the rubes.
I can't get up and vote for "anonymous" or Deep Throat.
Jimmy Carter, Albert Gore, and old Dukakis left me bored.
John Kerry is too dour, John Edwards is too
cute,
And Reagan was so smarmy I could write a song to boot.
I'll pick a man who's pissed folks see him as an egotist.
Whose charm and guile are like a corpse
Though he could buy up Malcolm Forbes...
When I grow up, I want to be Richard Cheney,
With an undisclosed location of my own.
And though I'll be the Veep, my influence runs deep,
and everyone will know exactly who's behind the throne.
When I grow up, I want to be Richard Cheney,
And I'll tell Patrick Leahy where to go.
I'll be proud of my creed, yes: "power-mad with greed."
I want to grow up to be Richard Cheney and have fun running the show.
When I grow up, I want to be Richard Cheney,
And invite my friend Scalia hunting ducks.
What's the joy of being rich if you can't scratch every itch
Like going down on the Senate floor and saying some words like heck!
When I grow up, I want to be Richard Cheney,
Stockbrokers will keep a pulse on my ticker
(Spoken: or maybe the other way around).
I love inspiring dread with just some words I've said:
(Spoken: Ooh, I don't feel well.)
I want to grow up to be Richard Cheney and get to a hospital quicker!
When I grow up, I want to be Richard Cheney,
Have a proxy clean the clocks of Iraqs on Fox.
I'll avoid the draft, for those who go are daft-
They're missing all the action: Halliburton truly rocks!
When I grow up, I want to be Richard Cheney,
And you thought things just couldn't get much worse.
I long for a secret life and academics-hating wife.
I want to grow to be Richard Cheney-
Next to the Prez I'm gonna look brainy-
I'll be the best Richard Cheney you'll ever curse!
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