Lyrics: By Album
Click here for a list of lyrics in alphabetical order by title. Most Important Note Ever: There may be some differences between lyrics as published on the site and on a recording, or as I sing them in concert. Music is a living organism, and occasionally things change.
Who Let Him In Here? (1991)
- I Want To Be Peter Lorre
- Curmudgeon's Son
- Hellraiser
- Crystal Gayle Killed Frank Herbert
- 307 Ale
- Rotten Robin
- A Boy And His Frog
- Return Of The King, Uh-Huh
- Serial Killer
- Walking Along The Beach...
- The Worst Job There Is
- Superman Sex Life Boogie
- My Unicorn Song
- PQR (You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet)
Domino Death (1994)
- Domino Death
- Temperature of Revenge
- Starlight & Saxophone
- Divine Irregularity
- The Really Sick Note
- Ho! for the Death of Time
- Sheep Marketing Ploy
- I Wish I Couldn't Read Her Mind
- Storm Dancing
- Operation: Desert Storm
- Heat of the Blood
Plugged (1997)
- Mand(e)la
- Bermuda Triangle
- On-Line Religion
- Spam Spam Spam
- Superman Sex Life Boogie
- Garboo
- Rocket Ride
- Psychic Voicemail Hotline
- Cthulhu Lite FM
- Tom Smith Disease
- Falling Free
Debasement Tapes (1999)
- Five Years (click here for annotated lyrics )
- Denver Does Elvis
- Callisto
- Alien Adventures
- Honey Glazed Ham
- (Min)Barette
- Be Our GOH
- Seven Drunken Nights In Space
- ConValescence
- Sonuva
- Filk In The Blanks
- Instant Clinton
- Barenaked Cockburn
- On The PC
- PC 99
- Dammit, They're Felt And Legumes
- DS8
- Time Plot
- Telly Taley Heart
- 500 Hats
- Smurfin' Safari
Tom Smith And His Digital Acoustic Compilation (1999)
- I Want To Be Peter Lorre
- Temperature Of Revenge
- Hellraiser
- Starlight & Saxophone
- A Boy And His Frog
- Return Of The King, Uh-Huh
- Mand(e)la
- Operation: Desert Storm
- Walking Along The Beach...
- PQR (You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet)
- Domino Death
- Storm Dancing
- 307 Ale
- My Unicorn Song
- Heat Of The Blood
- Rocket Ride
Live At GAFilk (2004)
- Get Your Asses In Here
- Domino Death
- Sister Hazel Plays "Alien Autopsy"
- Honey-Glazed Ham
- Divine Irregularity
- Excerpts from The Rocky Horror Muppet Show
- Alien Adventures
- Be Our GOH
- 500 Hats
- The Really Sick Note
- Callisto
- Time Plot (Aborted)
- Five Years
- On-Line Religion
- Rocket Ride
- Denver Does Elvis
Badgers and Gophers and Squirrels Oh My: The 24-Hour Project (2004)
- Aluminum Dog
- Tamales of Death
- Hung Out? Too Dry
- Spam in the Street
- Chevre No Vas
- Pine Gia-Varnish
- Badger Pajama
- Pickled Gopher
- Is A Little VPTR Okay?
- Kiowa Timepiece Talking Blues
- Pizza-Lovin' Squirrels
- RastaMatrix.com
- The Feud, The Proud
- Theme From "Space Squid"
- Aggressively Cute
- Wokked Like Any Gypped Chen
- Strontium Asp
- A Different Kind of Survivor (I Want My Music On Napster)
- Hee-Haw Field Earth
- Twelve Days of Star Wars
And They Say I've Got Talent (2004)
- And They Say I've Got Talent
- Howie's Norvegian Bluess
- Happy Conception Day
- Trans Poly U Fight Song
- The Illuminati Polka
- Dark Country
- The Ballad of Rupert
- Bullet Time
- The Great Moonwolf Trap
- A Dragon's Lullaby
- Rock Me Amidala
- Talk Like A Pirate Day
- Rich Fantasy Lives
- Denouement
- Bonus: This Ain't Over Yet
Homecoming: MarCon 2005 (2005)
- Return of the King, Uh-Huh
- Five Years
- Crystal Gayle Killed Frank Herbert
- Smurfin' Safari
- I Want To Be Peter Lorre
- One Ring (Excerpt)
- Redbone Does G&S
- Badger Pajama
- Cthulhu Fthagn
- Pirate Ninjas From Dino Island
- Talk Like A Pirate Day
- House At Cthulhu Corner
- A Boy And His Frog
- Rainbow Connection
- Callisto
- Dead Potters
- 307 Ale
- Rocket Ride
The Last Hero On Earth (2006)
- the complete libretto
- What If?
- Mad Scientists United
- The Sinister Cavortings of Sir Wilfred P. Huffelbaggins III
- Warning: Wimbledon!
- The Sinister Sixty Strike
- Enter The Waffle
- You Never Call Me By My Real Name
- Boulevard of Broken Dreams
- Tears of the Kill-O-Tron
- Pirate Ninjas From Dino Island
- The Terror of Sis Boom Ba
- The Romance of George and Al
- A Million Light Years From Home
- Divided Royalties
- Behold the Crossing Guard
- When Strikes the Clock
- Rules of Enragement
- Hey! Didn't You Die?
- The Rise and Fall of Sir Wilfred P. Huffelbaggins III
- With Great Power Comes Great Power Bills
Sins Of Commission (2006)
- Come Be My Love Forever
- Creatures of the Night
- A Dragon's Lullaby
- Felis Draco
- Kitsune and the Master of Zen
- Mary Kelly (Radio Edit)
- The Melody Is You
- Old Time Movie Romance
- Piratical Love
- Slow Dance
- The Very Secret Diary of Dark Wolf
- Worth the Wait
- Y.U.R.T. (Your Un-Resolved [sexual] Tension)
iTom 1.0: And So It Begins (2006)
- I Want My Flying Car
- Blue Screen of Death
- Death By Wubbie
- Can't Get The File To Play
- Pluto, or The Old God Laments
- Mythical Frederick
- Destroyer of Worlds
- Hey, It's Can(n)on
- Waterboardin'
- The Coin-Flip Universe
- Lars Needs Women
- Coulrophobia
- The Here and Now
- Bonus: Rich Fantasy Lives (w/ Rob Balder)
iTom 2.0: Transitions (2007)
- I Ain't Got Time For The Blues
- For Us All
- Hamster Brain
- So, Thanks
- Whose Idea Was
- Bodyhacking
- Alternate Universe Lost and Found
- A Pirate Christmas
- Baby New Year
- Suit of Armor
- Dave
- Take Your Hands Off the Bear
- Yeah, Yeah, Transitions
- Bonus: An Ecclesiastes For Rose
iTom 3.0: True Love Waits (2007)
- Stupid Belated Valentine
- Neckbolt Love
- Hot Sauce and Ice Cream
- Dervish
- Contessa
- Mechanicsburg Tourism Song
- Pygmalion 2.0, SP1
- Two Guys Kissin (Ruined My Life)
- True Love Waits
- "Kidnapped By Pirates" Is Good
- Wiki of Love
- Love Thy Neighbor
- And There Was Dancing
- Bonus: March of the PenguiCon
iTom 4.0: Smith and Legend (2007)
- Smash the Frickin' Fairies
- Waking Up Jedi
- Online Ghost
- The World Is Against You
- Blog Like It's the End of the World
- Sidekick
- iDon'tCare
- Everything Is Dangerous
- Dead Again
- Wiki Pirates
- I'm On Firefly
- Undead Happy Trees
- (Don't Gotta Be A) Big Star
- Bonus: Hope Eyrie
Songs of The FuMP, Vol. 1 (2008)
- Tech Support For Dad
- EULA Dancing
- Boyfriend Points
- Hyperspace Cryogenic Insomnia Blues
- Insert Geek Cliche Here
- The Most Trusted Man In Nigeria
- Cat Macros
- Why I Won't Get You A Beer
- Spoiler Alert
- Garlic Is For Lovers
- CYA
- Ultimate Ultimate Christmas
- Bonus: Driving Through Ohio
- Bonus: Tech Support For Dad (live at Oasis 2007, featuring Tom Smith Sr.)
Sins of Commission 2 (2009)
- Brothers Under the Skin
- The Brightest Star In My Sky
- Theme From "Accidental Centaurs"
- Believe
- Something's Going On
- Chort Through the Ages
- Werewulf (Master of Momitude)
- Master of the Multiverse
- Something Positive
- Leeann
- Part Of A Heart
- Everybody Wants A Barb
- Kate and Jaana
- Underneath the Fur
- My Sun, My Moon
More Than FuMP: Songs of The FuMP, Vol. 2 (2009)
- Lumberin' Bunny
- Stony Peak
- I Had A Shoggoth
- Still A Nerd
- Go Drosophila Go
- Who The Fuck Is Matt?
- Zombie Pirates In Love
- Giant Monster
- Bad Horse Death Note
- Redneck Ninjas
- Cooking For 93
- Songwriting Workshop
- Cast Iron Stomach
- Could It Be Shplove
- Rorschach Love
Misc.
- 307 Lite
- 911
- A.I.A.I.O.
- Ankle Biters
- Attack of the Clones
- Ballad of Jek Porkins
- B.B.B.B.U.S.
- Bimbo Wizard
- Blind Lemon Pledge Drive Blues
- Boxing Helena
- Circle of Lies
- Clarion-Around
- Cthulhu Ctharols
- Dem Frank Hayes Blues
- Divine Chili: The Madrigal
- Dolly Llama
- Dread Ensign Wesley, The
- Duct Tape Diva
- Eight Themes In Search Of A Song
- Enterprising Man
- Falling Down Upon The Queen
- Follow Me (Hamelin Mix)
- Frog Like Me
- George and Al
- Glorious Bugs
- Hey Frickin Nonny
- Honeymoon Tonight
- I Fought The Troll
- I Just Can't Wait To Beat Ging
- I Wanna Be A Reducer
- Inconstant Moon
- Iron Chef
- Joe's Soup
- Last Laugh, The
- Makeout Dot Com
- Making Buddha's Hard To Do
- Mark McGuire
- MS-Y2K
- Mucoidal Periodontia
- My Name Is Torgo
- NeoChristmas Song, The
- Norn Queen
- O Holey Knight
- One Less Icon At I-Con
- Passavoys' Picnic, The
- Pinky-Hontas
- Political Noise
- Purple and the Green, The
- Scarlett
- Sea Monkeys Suck
- Shut Up, Pat (Kwanzaa, Kwanzaa, Kwanzaa)
- Singled Out
- Ski-Eating Tree
- Smells Like Dead Haggis
- Snip Hits '99
- Snip Hits '02
- Spank the Monkey
- Springtime For Sauron
- Star Wars No. 5
- Tacoma Pig, The
- Take The Ring Through Moria
- The One, They Are A-Changin'
- They're Mismanaging Our Satellite
- Tit That Ate Halftime, The
- Toothbrush Song, The
- Toy at the Bottom of the Box
- Very Dubya Xmas, A
- Wait In Line
- What Was I Filking?
- What Would Fenton Do?
- Where The Heart Is
- Who Needs Groundhog Day?
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