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Attack of the Clones?

Words: © 2001 by Tom Smith
Music: "Theme from Star Wars" and "Darth Vader's Theme" by John Williams
I couldn't help it. I was SO looking forward to The Clone Wars, but... "Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones" is such a goofy title, I couldn't possibly leave it alone.

Soon! Very soon!
LucasFilm will release the next piece of the puzzle,
And we're gonna see --

Finally the Clone... Wars, finally the Clone Wars,
We first heard "Clone Wars" in Episode Four,
Old Ben Keno...bi, also Luke's father,
Fought in the Clone Wars, we want to hear more!

But the first... prequel took us right back to Tatooine,
Where we met that blank-eyed little mannequin (... Anakin...)
And what... the heck exactly does "Phantom Menace" mean?
To be kind, Episode One was awful... thin....

But we've got Clone... Wars, finally the Clone Wars,
Setting the tone for Episode Three,
Dozens of Darth Mauls, leaping and dancing,
Hayden romancing with Natalie!

Wait! What's that sound coming over the rise?
Look! Oh, my God, it's the marketing guys!
They've got a name to bring tears to the eyes,
Here's the pronouncement, come down from the skies:

It's Attack Of The Clones, Of The Clones,
That's the title that LucasFilm owns.
You should really appreciate this, which,
made us interrupt our pitch on the phones, on the phones.

We've got so many deals to make,
Knickknacks and snacks from fruit rolls to cake.
Also keeping from little girls and boys,
Copycat illegal toys, watch the clones, stop the clones.

Might Anakin get another Padme?
That'll bring 'em in, into Episode Three,
A big Yoda kick-line at Radio City,
How 'bout a Jar Jar Shooting Gallery?

(spoken)
Hurry! Hurry! Step right up! Three shots for a dollah! Win a stuffed Jawa!
The greatest attraction at Cloney Island!

So... will the Clone War, LucasFilm's Clone War,
Just be a stone bore, trapped in a gorge
Under a mar...ke... ting avalanche,
From Skywalker Ranch, I think I hear George:

Aren't I rich? Aren't I queer?
Making my fandom my bitch, year after year,
Send in the clones, the Star Wars film clones...
Don't bother... they're
here.

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