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Barbie Doll

Words: © 1991 by Tom Smith
Music: "Georgy Girl" by Jim Dale and Tom Springfield
Since this song was written, I've found out that "nude barbie" is in fact not a fetish -- not a terribly popular one, anyway -- but a term used by doll hobbyists to refer to an uncostumed Barbie they can modify, re-paint, etc. Check out "OOAK (one-of-a-kind) Barbie" on eBay and prepare to be amazed. Anyway, the origin of this song has nothing to do with that, and is, frankly, ludicrous. I was just getting into MIDI at the time, and one of the better files I'd downloaded was an arrangement of "Georgy Girl", so that song was on my mind. These lyrics were written in a filkroom at, I think, ConClave 1991. Someone lamented the recent passing of Dr. Seuss, and while we all sat around sighing, someone else said, "Look on the bright side -- Klaus Barbie died, too!"

Hey there, Barbie Doll,
Running down the street, you cannot do,
There's a square hole in your shoe
To match the one in your foot --
A peg-leg.

Hey there, Barbie Doll,
Bulging plastic breasts and vacant eyes,
Tiny waist and thunder-thighs
Designed to spread very wide.

You're always ready, though you've got no erogenous zone,
And all your skin is just the one tone --
And no body hair.

Hey there, Barbie Doll,
Hoping someday Ken will flex a limb,
No use waiting 'round for him,
Look to Nineteen-Sixty-Three,
And you will see --
An old G. I. Joe.

Hey there, Barbie Doll,
Living in a dream house Heaven sent,
How can you afford your rent?
You've only got the one job --
At Mickey-Dee's.

Hey there, Barbie Doll,
Driving a Corvette with so much class,
Never buying any gas --
Are you a Flintstone, or what?

So much designer clothing, your closet's eaten the garage.
Given your known income, I think you dodge --
The I.R.S.

Hey there, Barbie Doll,
Hotter than Madonna, how can you
Live like this? Well, here's a clue:
Check out PlayToy Magazine,
Page Two-Nineteen --
A nude Barbie Doll!

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