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I Just Can't Wait To Beat Ging

Words: © 1995 by Tom Smith, after Tim Rice
Music: "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" by Elton John
Truly, a case where the introduction is way, way longer than the song. But I can't help it.
I firmly believe that Bill Clinton has gotten the worst shafting of any president in recent memory, and I'm not talking about what Monica did. Without question, the man made some mistakes -- as if no one else ever has, yeesh -- but rarely have so many diehard conservative interests pooled their resources, from the very beginning of his presidency, in an attempt to basically destroy a man, apparently out of spite for their having lost the White House.
(Monicagate amazed me. Never mind the barbarian in the back of my head that says "If the most powerful man in the world can't get the occasional blowjob from a sweet young thing, what chance to the rest of us have?" -- it's the utter hypocrisy that, during the impeachment proceedings, brought down two Speakers of the House within a week for exactly the same "offense", and threatened to bring down a few more Esteemed Members. Back in 1988, comedian Jimmy Tingle said, "All of a sudden, everyone's from Bethlehem", and nothing's changed. Of course Clinton lied about it. Can you imagine any man, let alone any married man, let alone a politician, let alone the President, when asked on national television if a woman half his age had given him sexual favors, saying anything at all but "NO WAY"? Didn't think so.)
It really does seem to me that, even though he's out of office for years now, the Republicans still hate Clinton -- a full-blooded, nasty, vindictive hate. Maybe he's too young, or too popular, or they just felt their status quo being threatened -- and any thwarting of anything he might do is seen as a victory, no matter what good it might have done. But then, sadly, "doing good" is out of style. And until Republicans and Democrats alike remember that we all live in the same country, and that the two sides of the political coin are supposed to represent differing, debatable views on procedure and priority, not absolute theories of right and wrong, we're going to have a lot of assholes in government.

(Newt)
From the Beltway up to Baltimore,
The little guy's in line,
And Pennsylvania Avenue
Is scheduled to be mine.

I'm setting the agenda
Of most everyone in town,
Especially the Senate
And that Oval Office clown.

My reign will be a super-awesome thing,
Oh, I just can't wait to be king!

(Bill)
I've tried to be a noble king,
So enemies beware!
The only chief executive
In years with his own hair!

I've been forced to compromise
Like no king has before,
But now I've got a strategy,
A theme that I can roar.

I only have to point at him and sing,
Well-a, well-a, I just can't wait to beat Ging!

(Newt)
Bill, you better do this.
(Bill)
Newt, I gotta say no.
(Newt)
Bill, you can't stop me.
(Bill, nonchalantly)
Line-item veto!
(Newt, a la Homer Simpson)
D'oh!
(both)
Now I've gotta make a power play,
I'll be free to do it all my way!

(Newt)
The time has come to change the rules,
And force the folks to choose.
(Bill)
Amending Constitutions is
A game you're gonna lose.

It's easy to be critical
When you're not running town,
(Newt)
It isn't just my Right,
Even your Left will bring you down!

Our national winter will become a spring.
(Bill)
Well, why not throw YOUR hat into the ring?
(Newt)
Hey, a fella can get hurt in the West Wing,
(both)
Oh, I just can't wait to be king / beat Ging!
Oh, I just can't wait to be king / beat Ging!
Oh, I just can't wait...
To be king / beat Ging!

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