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Crystal Gayle Killed Frank Herbert

Words: © 1986 by Tom Smith
Music: "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" by Richard Leigh
This was my first "big hit". It seemed a really obvious idea, and I was truly surprised no one had thought of it before -- and, as I have noticed, when I get that feeling, I've usually got a real winner (e.g. "Smurfin' Safari", "500 Hats"). For those of you who do not Get It, it's basically the two-minute version of the novel and movie Dune by Frank Herbert. There's this spice called melange, y'see, and everybody wants control over it because it gives you mental powers and prescient flashes, but it's a subtle poison -- once it's in your diet, you can't stop eating it or you'll die -- and one of its more obvious side-effects is that it turns your eyes bright blue, and... oh, just get the book, it's a classic. I premiered the song at the one-shot filk concert at MarCon 1986, which was the first really big con I sang at, and the collective gasp of terror as the audience saw the joke coming was enough to hook me on performing for life.

The spice melange, it's so cinnamon sweet,
I put it on most everything I eat.
It's addictive, too,
And don't it make my brown eyes blue.

Dad got control over all that spice,
But Baron Harkonnen had him iced --
Tried to kill me, too,
And don't it make my brown eyes,
Don't it make my brown eyes,
Don't it make my brown eyes blue.

So me and my mother ran away across Dune,
Got found by the Fremen, not a moment too soon,
They said it was easier to leave us behind,
But if we went with them, it would stillsuit them fine.

Now I'm dreamin' of a huge jihad,
And the Fremen all think I'm God --
Maybe I do, too,
And don't it make my brown eyes,
Don't it make my brown eyes,
Don't it make my brown eyes blue.

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