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The Dread Ensign Wesley

Words: © 1993 by Tom Smith
Music: "The House of the Rising Sun" (Amer. trad.)
One of the secrets of InstaFilk is to know a bunch of songs that can be quickly adapted to just about anything. "The House Of The Rising Sun" is one of the best, because (a) everybody knows it, (b) it starts out "There is...", which can lead to anything you like, and (c) it's structured to set up a story, tell the story, and deliver the moral (or the punch line). In this particular case... well, I had a dumb idea for a pun, and I needed a song to deliver it. It turned out to be pretty good, and pretty popular -- the groans of realization during the fourth verse are like The Energizer Bunny -- they keep going, and going, and going....

There is a girl called Buttercup,
She is a Princess Bride,
The fairest maiden in the world,
As long as she ain't died.

Her fiancé Prince Humperdink
Had planned her death, you see,
But Buttercup, she laughed and said,
"My Westley will come for me."

Inigo, Fezzik, and their boss
Were hired to make her dead,
When, suddenly, who should appear
But a skinny kid in red.

He quickly drew his phaser gun,
They died in beams of blue,
The Princess Bride gaped as he said,
"I'm Wesley -- who are you?"

The Ensign and the Princess Bride,
They fell in love on sight,
And now Picard and crew are sick
From perpetual sweetness and light.

So if you want to keep your lunch,
Your cookies not to toss,
Don't make your heroes dumb and cute,
Nor let your genres cross.

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