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Enterprising Man

Words and Music: © 2000 by Tom Smith
It's now almost impossible to find VHS copies of the insane parody, Babylon Park, and its sequel, Grudgematch: Drek Trek Forager vs. Spoosade. Creator Brian Roe contacted me, needing music for the end credits, and I pulled out all the stops to get this from concept to final recording in two weeks. Big props to Voyetra's fun program HipHop eJay, which is nowhere near as powerful as, say, Acid Pro, but DAMN can you arrange a great-sounding hip-hop song fast. The song premiered at MarCon, and the video debuted at Dragon*Con. And now I've got an animated music video, which is cooler than cool.

CHOCO-LATTE
Who says space is the final frontier? Babe,
I want to explore what you got right here,
We're supposed to be seeking out strange new worlds,
Let's call it like it is, y'all: we're looking for girls.

Seeking out new life, and civilizations,
New parties, Bacardi, and tarty gyrations,
That's why I signed up for all the Star Treks,
Science fiction? Adventure? Bring on the sex.

I’m on the Forager, we all be in luck,
And I bet you were hopin’ this line would rhyme,
Banana Toejamma got appeal and soul,
And when Francy gets fancy, she's out of control.

2 of D? Who needs the SmorgasBorg Queen? I wanna
Meet her sister Triple, if you know what I mean.
Assimilate away, babe, I think you'll find
That resistance is not what I had in mind.

CHOCO-LATTE (singing)
My continuing mission and ambition's your permission,
Babe, I gotta boldly go where everybody else is wishin',
Set my phaser on "amaze her", lotsa ways to set the stage,
I'm an Enterprising man, so prepare to engage.

CHOCO-LATTE (rapping)
Meanwhile, over on the Spoosade
(Buncha people who really ought to get laid) --
Gidiot? He’s s’posed to kick butt,
All he does is stand around, goin’ --

GIDIOT
Wait a minute. What?

CHOCO-LATTE
The man got a thing for Lizzy Looselips,
Girl’s shoulders are wider than the girl’s hips,
Gayman standin’ round, bein’ profound,
Don’t make a sound unless he got plot to expound.

Techno-bores should be seen and not heard,
So listen up, baldie, ‘n’ don’t say a -

THREEVOK
Word.

CHOCO-LATTE
XO, Telepath, get in your head,
Lookin’ for ways to get into your bed.

Me, I’m lookin’ at Copina Feel,
Gotta find out if those things be real.
Babylon Park -- everybody agrees:
Mankind’s last, best hope for a piece.

CHOCO-LATTE (singing)
And it’s Drek Trek: Forager versus Spoosade,
If you're checkin' out the story, be very afraid,
Earth’s infected with a virus, but it’s only a pawn,
Winner gets to save the universe --

MILLS LORIEN
Let’s get it on!

CHOCO-LATTE (rapping)
Two big bad science fiction universes,
Emphasis on the “bad”, and what’s worse is,
We got to be thankful, for all that it’s worth,
‘Cause we could be watching Battlefield Earth.

Gidiot and Painway, peas in a pod,
Each thinkin’ they’re some kind o’ minor god,
On a power trip, shootin' from the hip, givin' lotsa lip,
They need someone to explain their own ship.

I been thinkin’ awhile, plannin’ things through,
Gettin’ ready to finally dump this crew.
Chim Chim try to play, but he only be looking,
Everybody can smell what Threevok is cooking.

Hold up, that’s Kneelicker, thinks he’s a chef,
I’ve tasted his food, and his palate’s cleft.
At last, with trepidation, I come to the Captain,
Least, that's what I'm hopin' someday, an' now this rap's done.

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