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Frog Like Me

Words: © 1993 by Tom Smith, after Howard Ashman
Music: "Friend Like Me" by Alan Menken
Another ditty based on the brilliance of Chuck Jones, in this case the classic "One Froggy Evening". Not all genies are Robin Williams, or even Barbara Eden.

Well, Durante had the Lennon Sisters,
Welk had the Champagne Band,
Don Kirschner had the Monkees, but,
Brother, you've got a winning hand.

You won't believe that things can get so big,
It'll really knock off your socks,
'Cause you found exactly where to dig --
Now just open up my box,
And I'll say:

Mister, I'll be your pal
If you only let me be,
Hello, baby, honey, ragtime gal,
You ain't never had a frog like me.

Success is in the bag,
Your wealth I guarantee,
Everybody likes the Michigan Rag
When they hear it from a frog like me.

I'm the greatest entertainer
That the world has ever known,
But I'll only do that old soft-shoe
When the two of us are alo-o-o-one.

Soon everyone you know
Will doubt your sanity,
They'll hear me croak, say "What a joke!"
But never blame it on a frog like me.

Can a frog do shtick?
Can a frog do tap?
Can a frog do opera?
Can a frog do rap?

Can a frog just vault...
From his own high wire?
Can a frog make your whole life grind to a halt
Just to satisfy one desire?

You'll have sunken cheeks and baggy eyes
And you'll stink like a rambling bog,
You'll become everything that you despise,
But you'll still have a singing frog.

I got a powerful urge to entertain
For an audience of just one,
And the chance is good I'll fry your brain
By the time this song is done,
Old son --

Is there someone somewhere
Who would like to set me free?
Your life I'll trash -- but what panache!
You ain't never had a frog, never had a frog,
You ain't never had a frog, never had a frog,
You ain't never...
had a...
frog...
like...
me!

-- You ain't never had a frog like me!
BOAHHH-RUPP!

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