Words and Music: © 2008 by Tom Smith
This song is dedicated to every little kid who ever got a science lab for Christmas or a birthday and immediately became evil.
I'm gonna make me a giant monster, that's what I'm gonna do.
He'll have one big eye, he'll stomp and fly and maybe breathe fire too.
He'll be as tall as the Cannon Ball at Six Flags Over Kalamazoo,
With a taste for brains and human remains and Bolognese ragu.
The lab's all ready, lookin' great,
Now which of my pets should I recreate...?
Don't wanna use the puppy, he'll poop everywhere.
Don't wanna use the guppy, he'll run out of air.
Don't wanna use the gerbil, gerbils eat their young.
Don't wanna use the turtle, turtles have been done.
My sister's kitten's asleep with her dolls,
Well, look out, Mittens, Mad Science calls....
Strapped him to the table -- I'll eventually heal. No pain!
Hooked him up to the cable, I'll make him go insane.
Wires and electrodes, steel wool for hair,
Two big honkin' neckbolts, Kitty's loaded for bear.
Vitamins with iron, and Miracle Gro,
Now plug him in, and here we go!
Look at Kitty growing, fifty feet tall at least!
It's so cool knowing I created this beast.
Of course, he ain't been fed yet -- don't look at me like that....
I lose my shoes and headset running from a giant cat.
You stupid boy, what will it do?
I must destroy this thing I grew!
I'm gonna make another giant monster, that's what I'm gonna do...