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Hey, It's Can(n)on

Words and Music © 2006 by Tom Smith
Released under a Creative Commons Noncommercial ShareAlike license
Harry Potter Publishing Rights J.K.Rowling. Harry Potter characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of and Warner Bros. Ent. All Rights Reserved. Characters are used without permission. No challenge to copyright is intended, nor should such challenge be construed.
According to her page at the Harry Potter Lexicon, Hermione Granger's birthday is September 19. This also happens to be International Talk Like A Pirate Day (for which, you may recall, I wrote the official chanty a couple of years ago). Which is pretty much all of how this song came about. At one point the refrain line had a slightly different rhythm, but Anne made a very good suggestion which I adopted.

I also had fun at the Pirate Nicknames page. "Hermione Granger" led to "Skylarking Charity". Ehh. "Ginevra Weasley" generated "Deadeye Pegs" (which works for me, as I don't much like Ginny). But "Hermione Jane Granger" got "Buccaneer Jane". Arrr.

A couple of continuity notes:
  • No, it's not actually in the books, at least not yet. But JKR did say it, and I wanted that rhyme with "Hook".
  • Yes, I know Lucius is currently in Azkaban.
  • "'Ships" in the next-to-last verse refers to relationships, i.e., who'll end up with who romantically. There's an ongoing and surprisingly rancorous online war between those think it'll end up Harry/Hermione (I'm on that team) and supporters of Ron/Hermione. I deliberately leave it open (sorry, Harry/Draco fans).

Ye've read the Harry Potter books, ye think ye know 'em through
But there's something that ye may not know, and here's a little clue:
The female of the Trio has her birthday on
Talk Like A Pirate Day so heads up, Harry and Ron!

When she found out, her eyes she rolled, an' she went on knittin' socks,
But Harry said, "I've got the gold, let's head down to the docks,"
They traded lots o' Galleons for a lovely brigantine,
And now they're her young stallions and she's a pirate queen!

Come here, ye lads and lasses, I tell ye, she's the one,
Give a cheer and raise yer glasses, but not till class is done
Though she's only seventeen, she's smarter than Dumbledore,
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

Her white shirt and black leather they complement her eyes,
A red sash brings it t'gether (and the boots half up her thighs)
Cap'n Hook's a fan and Jack Sparrow thinks it's great,
It's in the books, it's canon, so let's all celebrate!

Hoist the mainsil', wind the capstan, give it all ye got,
The firewhiskey and th' captain both are really hot,
Here's a Happy Birthday to the girl that we adore,
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

She taxidermied Pettigrew, and on the bridge he sat,
'Cause after all, what pirate ship doesn't have a rat?
She Incarcerous'd young Malfoy so he could not escape,
And one Petrificus later, she made him walk the Snape!

Dolohov she'll finish off, and Bellatrix she'll foil,
Lucius'll land in Azkaban and likewise Crabbe and Goyle,
She laughs at danger, thinks it's keen -- bring on Voldemor -- TT!
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

Now here's the part we talk about with whom she's lockin' lips,
'Cause after all, a pirate queen has got to have her 'ships,
Some say Harry's her true love, or Ron she will betroth,
She finally cried, "I can't decide, I'll have to have 'em both!"

Who's the sassy bossy witch that all the boys pursue?
Grander than the Golden Snitch and more elusive too.
One may Seeker, one may Keeper, both know how to score, with
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

And so the Seven Seas she sails, in deadly hot pursuit
of getting perfect O.W.L.s and aceing every N.E.W.T.
Some think she's just a bookworm, but I am here ta say
She's got this pirate thing down cold every natal day!

Come here, ye lads and lasses, I tell ye, she's the one,
Give a cheer and raise yer glasses, but not till class is done
She'll go down in history, the one we're singin' for,
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!
Hermione Granger, the Pirate Queen, the pride of Gryffindor!

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