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The Illuminati Polka

Words and Music: © 2002 by Tom Smith

I wrote this for fun, and for my friend Steve Jackson of Steve Jackson Games. All Hail Discordia!

Willkommen to Bavaria! Everybody DANCE!

You've heard that everyone is six degrees from Kevin Bacon,
But do you know the Six Degrees of Grand Exalted Mason?
For everyone and everything has around it curled
The tentacles of the Secret Masters who control the world.

(chorus)
I rule you, you rule me, someone rules us secretly,
It's a vast conspiracy, the Illuminati Polka!

For several thousand years now, they've worked behind the scenes,
They laugh when we buy Dockers -- we've all got designer genes!
They know if you'll get the girl or pass the S.A.T.,
It's kinda like The Truman Show combined with D&D.

(chorus)

Everybody's bank account is serviced by the Gnomes,
The Masonic Temple gets the mortgage payment for your homes,
Commander Weisshaupt keeps Saddam from being killed too soon,
While Crowley and Blavatsky run Wall Street from the moon.

(chorus)

The Media say "Everything is awful but it's okay",
It turns out that Fox Mulder is really Keyser Soze,
If Men In Black are in your tub, or birds consult your cat,
Duck your head, try not to think, and wear this tinfoil hat.

(chorus)

The entertainment industry just got the Atom Bomb,
Dick Cheney and Al Qaeda run Enron with your mom,
Your DNA's on CD-R, so heads up, P.D.Q.,
You may not have a hope in hell, but at least you've got a clue!

(chorus)

Fnord!

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