The Last Laugh
Words: © 1988 by Tom Smith and Margaret
Music: "Jack the Slob & the Goddess of Love" by Leslie Fish
I used to do more "the other
point of view" parodies. This one, written in a pizza-powered giggle fit
by myself and my dear friend Margaret Bumby, was the flip side of one of Leslie
Fish's funnier ditties.
A dark-eyed lass to Cupid raved,
Raved, raved, merry merry raved,
"God, tonight a man I crave,
Crave, crave, merry merry crave,
Tonight a man I crave.
I've been lonely quite a while,
While, while, merry merry while,
So send a man who'll match my style,
Style, style, merry merry style,
A man who'll match my style."
Cupid said, "I can but try,
Try, try, merry merry try,
I guarantee he'll be a guy,
Guy, guy, merry merry guy,
I guarantee a guy.
While you're waiting, wash with care,
Care, care, merry merry care,
And don't forget your body hair,
Hair, hair, merry merry hair,
Don't forget your hair.
Put on some filmy lingerie,
Ray, ray, merry merry ray,
And throw those banana peels away,
Way, way, merry merry way,
Throw those peels away."
"Thank you, sir, these things I'll do,
Do, do, merry merry do,
I'll be waiting at the zoo,
Zoo, zoo, merry merry zoo,
Waiting at the zoo."
So Cupid tried his very best,
Best, best, merry merry best,
But searched in vain from East to West
West, West, merry merry West,
He searched from East to West.
So Cupid went to his mom Venus,
Venus, Venus, merry merry Venus,
To help this poor girl get a date,
Date, date, merry merry date,
To help her get a date.
Venus smiled, "I have a plan,
Plan, plan, merry merry plan,
Conveniently, I have a ... man,
Man, man, merry merry man --
Genetically a man."
And so her man arrived that night,
Night, night, merry merry night,
Expecting maybe Vanna White
White, White, merry merry White,
Expecting Vanna White.
His thick his fleas weren't few,
Few, few, merry merry few,
His teeth were green, except for the two,
Two, two, merry merry two,
Green except for two.
His jeans were ripped, and so was he,
He, he, merry merry he,
One whiff and she said, "He's the man for me,
Me, me, merry merry me,
He's the man for me."
She flashed her eyes and swayed her hips,
Hips, hips, merry merry hips,
A scream erupted from his lips,
Lips, lips, merry merry lips,
Erupted from his lips.
He tried to run, but was not quick,
Quick, quick, merry merry quick,
She seized him boldly by the bun,
Bun, bun, merry merry bun,
She seized him by the bun.
She dragged him swiftly to her lair,
Lair, lair, merry merry lair,
For all that I know, they may still be there,
There, there, merry merry there,
They may still be there.
So, you who pray for something lewd,
Lewd, lewd, merry merry lewd,
The Goddess will make sure you're screwed,
Screwed, screwed, merry merry screwed,
She'll make sure you're screwed.