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(Min)Barrette, or Hair (Sa)Tai

Words: © 1995 by Tom Smith, after Stephen Schwarz, from an idea by Leslie Larkins
Music: "Colors of the Wind" by Alan Menken
The Babylon 5 episode "Soul Mates", written by Peter David, featured a magnificent subplot: Ambassador Delenn, having recently transformed herself into a half-human, half-Minbari, had not yet learned many aspects of human physiology that we take for granted. The look on the face of Lennier (Bill Mumy) alone is worth it.

We thought we owned whatever space we flew through,
We sought our missing souls and lived with pride;
Then humans came along and killed our leader,
And I've aided and abetted genocide.

And so I metamorphosized half-human,
To fulfill a prophecy and make amends,
And try to bridge the gap between our peoples --
But no one ever warned me of split ends.

Please, Ivanova, help me regain my dignity,
For this stuff is matted, brittle, dry and thin,
Can you recommend a shampoo and conditioner?
Can you help me with the curlers of Delenn?
Can you help me with the curlers of Delenn?

If... hair... to Minbari is weird,
Someone tell my why half the guys have a beard.

And Lennier thinks it must hurt me, but it's... oddly nice
To have follicles wrapped up in strips of tin,
But I draw the line at wearing a babushka,
Just to cover up the curlers of Delenn.

Thank you, Susan, you're a champ --
ooh! That's odd, what was that cramp...?
Much more painful than the curlers of Delenn.

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