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The Tacoma Pig

Words: © 2000 by Tom Smith
Music: "The Darby Ram" (English trad.)
At OVFF 2000, Sally Kobee showed me a news story about these two madwomen who, in mid-October, had gotten a very large pig on board a US Airways flight from Philadelphia to Seattle-Tacoma, WA by calling it a "therapeutic assistance animal" -- in effect, a seeing-eye pig. Naturally, havoc and hilarity ensued, and so did this little song.

I'll sing about two women with
A pox upon their brain.
They flew across the country...
And brought their pig on the plane.

(chorus)
Hey, Coke and peanuts,
Dames with balls of brass,
It was the biggest pig, sir...
That ever flew in First Class.

Three hundred pounds it was,
Though the women said "Thirteen!"
They claimed it therapeutic...
But everyone else turned green.

(chorus)

Four people wheeled it in, sir,
And then it filled the aisle.
Six hours to Seattle...
Now, everyone, try to smile!

(chorus)

It slept until the landing,
Then loudly set to squeal,
It tried to breach the cockpit...
Then towards the rear for a meal.

(chorus)

The women lured it out and
They dragged it off the plane.
It shat inside the jetway...
And never was seen again.

(chorus)

And thus will end my story,
Thanks for indulging me.
For payment, cakes and coffee...
Nah, make it a B. L. T.

(chorus)

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