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Take The Ring Through Moria

Words and Music: © 2002 by Tom Smith
Music: "Take A Letter, Maria" by R. B. Greaves
Just a quick silliness that smacked me in the head one day. On top of all the lousy puns, I've complicated the Tolkien Pronunciation Wars. ("You say Moe-REE-ah, and I say Moe-RI-ah, and someone else says MOE-ree-ah to defy ya....") (Which reminds me of the little thing I threw off while back that damn near curdled Tom Underwood's brain: "You say Carmina, and I say Burana, you say Fortuna, and I say Cantata, Carmina Burana, Fortuna Cantata, let's Carl the whole thing Orff....")

Last night, all hope was gone
For opening up the big door,
Till Frodo guessed the word "Mellon",
Stupid hobbits and riddle lore.

I kept my cool, I ain't no fool,
Let me tell you what happened then
A monster chased us all inside,
And I ain't comin' out again.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
The ancient dwarven hall,
Gimli says he's comin' home,
But I'll be taking a fall.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
Cut the tension with a knife,
Gonna battle with a Balrog,
I've gotta start a new life.

There were Seven Rings for the Dwarven kings,
Nine for Men, no doubt,
Three the Elves put on the shelves,
And the one that the book's about.

Was I so wrong to fight Sauron
Alone for all these years?
Saruman, my friend, has made me cry,
So now I'm his Pal-in-tears.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
We'll be passing Balin's Tomb,
Gotta throw the One Ring
Into the crack of Mount Doom.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
We'll fight a zillion orcs,
If they're so tough, how come they lose
To Merry and Pippin, those dorks?

When a wizard studies Sauron
In a dusty old museum,
He misses things besides the Rings,
Hey, I Gollum as I see 'em.

I never really noticed
That Arwen's so damn hot.
It just so happens Aragorn's not here --
Would you like to -- oh. Maybe not.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
We'll hope we don't get lost,
Gimli's looking nauseous,
There's a real dwarf toss.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
I've got to lose a fight,
When I boogie with a Balrog,
But I'll be Gandalf the White.

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