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Wait In Line

Words: © 2002 by Tom Smith, after Steven Page & Ed Robertson
Music: "Get In Line" by Jim Creeggan, Steven Page & Ed Robertson
This was written for MarCon, a joyous and wonderful experience in every way, except if you're a pre-registered attendee who's arrived before, say, seven p.m. Friday. But it applies to lots of other conventions as well, especially large ones.

Every single year, I pre-register to go to the Con,
I'm thinking I'll save some time and a little bit of money, too,
I snuck out early and pissed off my boss,
Driving on the freeway loop I got real lost,
Now everyone in this room says, "Hey, I was here ahead of you."

Everybody open a book, everybody wait in line,
Now you pay the real price for buying ahead of time.
Everybody run for supplies, everybody run to the john,
Everyone will wait all night to get in the Con.

Trapped in a corridor with a Wookiee and a Klingon sideshow,
Somewhere near the Seventh Circle of the Dealer's Room,
We were lined up alphabetically, until somebody reversed the polarity,
At least I've got my laptop -- I've got time to play through all of Doom.

Everybody open a vein, everybody wait in line,
New and different forms of pain, every year refined.
Everybody show your I.D., everybody ready to play,
Why can't this be in the room with the Anime?

Dictate a memo to myself,
Next time bring a La-Z-Boy and a portable bookshelf,
I'll pitch a tent, I'll hack the 'Net, I'll use the Force,
Two folks behind me met, got married, then divorced,
In due course --

Finally in sight of the badges and convention handouts,
I try to take three deep breaths, but these fanboys haven't heard of soap,
Frustration, chaos, anarchy, broken computers, closed-in spaces, and humidity --
I haven't had this much fun since that fender-bender with the Pope.

Everyone read Lord of the Rings, everybody wait in line,
Now you pay the real price for buying ahead of time.
Everybody run for supplies, everybody run to the john,
Everyone will wait all night to get in the,
Everyone will wait all night to get in the,
Everyone will wait all night to get in the Con.

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